*tape recorder starts*
(Carl Castern) Alright, looks like we’re rolling – oh, and thanks again for doing the interview while you’re here at the fest, Mr. Trailer – I know you don’t really like doing interviews, so, this means al-
(J.R.R.T.) Oh, no, noo – the pleasure’s all mine…I assure you. The pleasure is alllll mine…”
*cold stare*
(C.C.) Right…well, then – getting right into it-
(J.R.R.T.) I’m just fuggin’ with you, man! You can call me John!”
(C.C.) Whew! Okay, cool – well, then! Let’s get right into it, John – just how the heck does someone go from writing short stories and screenplays, to directing short films, to performing character pieces on and off camera – what is your secret, man?!
(J.R.R.T.) Well, at the risk of exposing my top secret arsenal of trade secret tricks, let’s just say, the key – for me, least – is to be dangerously mediocre at everything…“
*cold stare*
(C.C.) *nervous laugh* Ahh, that old saw? The oldest trick in the book!
(J.R.R.T.) Yep, that’s how I do it! Interview complete! That’s a wrap, folks!”
(C.C.) *laughing honestly* That’s great, but, seriously though, take me back to the beginning, man, and then let’s walk forward to now, then near the end, we can let the kind folks at home know what you’re working on next-
(J.R.R.T.) Ha, yes! Well…y’know, I guess it all started way back when my dad thought he was the pull-out king, but meanwhile, they were merely sleeping atop one-“
(C.C.) Hah! Yeah – I think you can skip forward just a little bit after that-
(J.R.R.T.) I went back a little too far, didn’t I?”
(C.C.) Just a tad – I mean, not that I don’t want to sit here all day and talk shop with ya-
(J.R.R.T.) That is true, I gotta get to my next thing on time, so – yea, in that case, I guess it all started when I was a young kid and my mom let me rent the craziest shit on VHS you can imagine – Phantasm 1 and 2, Child’s Play 1, 2, and 3, and I kinda randomly got to see other classics around that same time, like Hardware, Maximum Overdrive, Species-“
(C.C.) Wow – the criterion collection of small town VHS movie rental shacks!
(J.R.R.T.) Oh my god, it was so fuggin’ good, man – I must have rewatched Phantasm and the sequels like thirty times each – minimum – because I was literally running through the selection of good VHS stuff they had at our small town movie rental shack. There was really nothing else to do besides walk the block and a half down there and browse the selection…and then later on, of course, I graduated to the more diverse Blockbuster VHS catalogue when we moved to a real city.”
(C.C.) Which I would imagine leads directly to your directorial debut, Greetings From California, a Live Action Postcard, in 2014?
(J.R.R.T.) That’s right – I met my now wife, then girlfriend, in college, circa 2011, and she had gotten accepted into this opera summer program on the west coast, but it was going to be an expensive trip – including having to live there for like a month for the rehearsals, before the actual performance night – so we wanted to try and raise some money for the trip somehow, but that’s gonna be hard to do, you know, no value prop and such – so I thought, hey, let’s film a trip documentary and then make that into a Kickstarter-style reward for our trip sponsors!”
(C.C.) That’s actually a genius angle-
(J.R.R.T.) Yea, I thought so too – and so did my girlfriend! So, pretty soon after that, I filmed an IndieGoGo pitch video with her, wherein she explains the trip, explains we’re going to film it, and make it into a Live Action Postcard for our backers, so they too can experience the trip with us in a special, vignette kind of way after we get back. And, I knew we could save money by booking the whole cross-country round-trip via train instead of plane, and then, bam – the idea hit me that train travel would actually be better for the trip documentary, as well! As in, the filming aspect of it – there’s tons of interesting terrain out there, so I pitched that to her and she liked that too, so then we deliberately booked a huge triangular cross-country trip from New Orleans to Los Angeles and then San Francisco to Chicago, then back to New Orleans – which I knew that meant we would have to go through the Colorado Rockies via train somehow, which I assumed would be a spectacular experience – even more so on film-“
(C.C.) And, wow, were you so right.
(J.R.R.T.) Yes! That part of the train trip was incredible – as you can see in the film – it was even more beautiful than I had imagined it would be while we were booking the tickets, and I highly recommend that train trip through the Colorado Rockies to anyone who has the time. And, make sure you splurge for the sleeper car – if you can afford it – because it’s fuggin’ miserable trying to sleep two nights in a row in a train seat. Now, it is true you do get about triple the legroom of any coach flight today, but even then…it was pretty miserable sleeping…”
(C.C.) But, the sense of adventure must have overridden that misery – I can only imagine-
(J.R.R.T.) Absolutely, yeah – and it all worked out, because much later on when I recorded my David Lynch motivational dreamscape tribute to him – right after he passed – I took real parts of that train trip experience, and melded it all together with some of David Lynch’s recollection of his train trip through the desert in Yugoslavia, which I believe was when he and his friend were trying fool-heartedly to travel to Austria, so they could study under the tutelage of their hero, master painter Oskar Kokoschka-“
(C.C.) But, when they got there, Oskar wasn’t there – if I remember correctly-
(J.R.R.T.) Ha, yeah – you must have seen that documentary too – The Art Life, with David Lynch-“
(C.C.) Yep! I was just watching it again the other day, actually-
(J.R.R.T.) My man! *high fives* I’ve watched that doc so many times now. I know I’m skipping ahead a little bit, but I’ll just say – when I recorded my tribute to David, Lynchian Dreams, I used lots of those kinds of bits from my life – like my train ride experience – and then fused that back into classic bits I had heard from his interviews over the years – turning the tribute into something somewhere between profane, profound, and bizarre – just like Lynch’s actual films and art.”
(C.C.) Ah, you mean David Lynch’s Yugoslavia soda bottle train story – which I believe he tells while waiting for some quinoa to finish cooking on the stove?
(J.R.R.T.) Haha, yep, that’s David Lynch for ya – David Lynch Cooks Quinoa I think it was called!”
(C.C.) These are some deep cuts that I’m sure only about one percent of the folks at home would know about – and the rest are probably wondering what the hell we’re talking about right now.
(J.R.R.T.) *chuckling* Oh, man…great times – yea, most people are probably wondering what the hell we’re talking about, but – ‘those who know, they enjoy, and those who don’t know – well…they don’t know!‘”
(C.C.) A great David Lynch quote!
(J.R.R.T.) You really know your stuff, dude – I’m so glad they got an it-getter in here to interview me!”
(C.C.) *blushing* Ha, great minds think alike! So, I’m guessing David Lynch was a big influence on you early on?
(J.R.R.T.) No, not really, actually – I got on the Lynch train pretty late I think – but I still obsess over his voice, and personality, and his interviews – more than his body of work, except for Eraserhead, though, holy fuggin’ shit…Eraserhead is quintessential Lynch in my opinion, and that one singular film is enough for me, like a magnum opus that stands alone in my mind, and I like that film so much that all his other stuff is just, okay – but wow, Eraserhead. I made sure to include some great Eraserhead references in my tribute album as well – damn, that was really fun and emotional to make…”
(C.C.) If not David Lynch, then would you say P.T.A. and Darren Aronofsky are your biggest influences – especially early on?
(J.R.R.T.) Absolutely, yeah. I never had any interest in going to film school, but after I got interested in writing and filmmaking, I heard P.T.A. saying on some interview or two that the best film school is just watching other great films anyways, and regular film school is probably a waste of time – so, when I read that, I jumped up and high-fived myself and said, yes! I knew it! I knew I was better off going indie versus spending huge bucks to pursue the traditional film school track…though, I must say – nowadays, I am quite jealous of the kids who are in film school, because they have much easier access to film people and equipment, which, being in that environment is so much more conducive to getting things made. Hell, at some point, maybe the money you spend on film school is worth it – assuming you’re aching and bursting at the seams with ideas, but not really the means to actually go out there and get more projects filmed and produced. That’s how I feel right now, anyway, but I still think it’s best to figure out how to do interesting stuff with not a lot of money.”
(C.C.) Okay – so, no film school – at least, not yet – so then, how exactly did you flip that switch in your mind? From audience member, to producer?
(J.R.R.T.) When I saw Aronofsky’s Pi for the first time…it really shook me to my core – especially Margolis’ performance as Sol – and his Archimedes monologue in particular…just…holy fuggin’ shit…it was the first time I can really remember stopping myself – mentally – and saying wait…hold up – hold on…maybe there’s a lot more to this whole film thing – I mean, way, way more – like, not just shoveling handful after handful of popcorn into your mouth while vaguely following the plotline, and then leaving the theater, or your couch, and saying, oh, that was pretty cool, I guess…no, this was so much deeper – you could actually live inside of a world someone else had painstakingly crafted – seeing those performances, seeing the interconnected tissues and membranes of the world being presented to you, and then rewatching it, over and over again – catching something new which you didn’t notice during the previous five times you watched it…it was like a full immersion program in story craftsmanship. Then, around that same time, I saw P.T.A.’s There Will Be Blood – which I still think today is the best film of all time – and after I watched that, I just knew I had to get serious about film – it was too enticing at that point to stay away, and, y’know, just remain a casual member of the viewing audience.”
(C.C.) Wow – I know exactly how you feel! So, I’m guessing that was your headspace leading up to your writing debut – the novella, The Assistant (to the) Humorist–
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, so, after graduating from college, I got into IT and started writing my first cool sci-fi screenplay on the side, when I had time – The Beautiful Ones – regardless of knowing that I didn’t really have any way of actually, y’know, getting it made – but regardless – I really enjoyed my programming day job too, and so I just kept working on both and paying the bills while writing more screenplay stuff on the side, and fast forward a decade, I had gotten laid off a couple times by then, which hit me pretty hard, but around the same time I was reading Norm MacDonald’s memoir, Based On A True Story, and I was starting to get inspired by his Las Vegas pilgrimage through-line, which reminded me a bit of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – another one of my favorite films – and I started getting this idea for a story from the perspective of someone living in a world of automation and lots of unemployment (editor’s note: a topic especially relevant today – even more so than when it was written and published! -C.C.), but I wanted it to still be funny – something with the sarcastic deadpan sensibility of Norm’s memoir – and his jokes, too, for that matter-“
(C.C.) Wow – birds of a feather really do flock together – I love Norm’s stuff so much, he’s one of my guiding lights!
(J.R.R.T.) Same here, yeah…in fact – I think I feel a blue card joke coming on!”
(C.C.) Oh my god – Norm Macdonald Live! I’d love to hear it – your favorite-
(J.R.R.T.) Ha, well, not my favorite blue card joke – I may not even have a favorite, actually, because they’re all so good – but, here’s one I made up recently, and it goes a little something like…You know, I remember back in the good ol’ days when you could just say, ‘Go, Go, Gadget – inflatable sex doll!’ And then – boom! You’d have your very own blow-up sex-doll, all inflated and ready to go, within seconds!“
*grandiose incredulity*
(C.C.) *laughing convincingly* Ohh, that’s great! I could definitely see that one fitting right in – maybe on the Gilbert Gottfried episode!
(J.R.R.T.) I know, right? I don’t think it’s humanly possible to have more fun than Gilbert Gottfried was having on that episode of Norm Macdonald Live! And not to mention the novella was a perfect opportunity to learn proper eBook production software, and industry formats for various devices, as well as making the PDF version really slick – almost like the director’s cut of the book – which I really enjoyed working through that whole technical aspect of the process as well-“
(C.C.) So, after writing and publishing, you got back into film in a serious way – and now, I’m talking, of course, about your short film – and C.L.I.F. Film Fest! Finalist! The Adventures of Max Roadfeel–
(J.R.R.T.) My magnum opus! Ha – just kidding-“
(C.C.) Well, I think that’s an accurate description so far-
(J.R.R.T.) Well…Max Roadfeel is such a special thing for me – I knew that I wanted to present that story in a first person perspective kind of way – or as faithful as I could be to an actual first person perspective – because that lets you smuggle in aspects of the faulty narrator, and it’s a primarily a family trip thing we do as a fun vacation, but then we also film it too – so it’s super practical, but it still feels interesting enough to have it be a short film…after the story is edited in, of course!”
(C.C.) Wow, so it really was just a bike trip this whole time? You’re blowing my mind right now!
(J.R.R.T.) *smirking* Well, I can’t confirm nor deny anything here on tape, but, I guess I think about Max Roadfeel as my own little personal film school…something I know that can be executed well, on a micro budget of sub-one-thousand dollars – but having the gritty sensibility of a Mission Impossible film, crossed with the Metal Gear Solid universe, by way of Werner Herzog’s Lessons of Darkness, and filmed by John Ford’s D.P.-“
(C.C.) Damn, that really is a good way to describe Max Roadfeel – that’s exactly what it feels like, now that you mention it!
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, I was certainly in a phase of watching tons of Werner Herzog stuff – taking special note of his incredible work in Lessons of Darkness – I mean, wow, just an incredible journey, and the film has a surprising amount of storyline in it, considering it’s more like a documentary at heart, and that feeling is definitely something that inspired me while dreaming up the Max Roadfeel universe.”
(C.C.) I know Werner is working on a new one right now – Ghost Elephants – looking forward to that one-
(J.R.R.T.) Same here, yeah – oh, and I was also watching tons of Jay Leno’s Garage at the time, so I started getting glimpses of this stoic and meticulous, blue-jeaned old-soul character who was maybe a secret agent – or maybe not – because it could just be all in his head – and maybe the whole thing really is just an elaborate, weird travel vlog somehow? The cover story is the actual story! Ha! I love the fact that you can’t really be too sure about it, yet – actually, I should shut up now, because I’m getting into spoiler territory for Max Roadfeel Episode 2!”
(C.C.) Yes! Spoliers! Oh, come on – I’m sure the folks at home wouldn’t mind a spoiler or two about Episode 2!
(J.R.R.T.) *smirking* well…I’ll just leave it there, because I’ve already said too much – but…let’s just say – wasn’t the ending of Episode 1 just a little too convenient?”
(C.C.) *sniffs* I smell a conspiracy!
(J.R.R.T.) Oh, man! We’re on the same fuggin’ wavelength right now, and I’m loving it…but, damn – I’ve said too much! I’ve said too much!”
(C.C.) Maybe just a hint? Something? Anything?
(J.R.R.T.) Ahh, man – I literally have to stop talking about it because I’m saying way too much-“
(C.C.) Well, you heard it here first, folks! The wheels are turning, and in motion! The Adventures of Max Roadfeel Episode 2, coming soon!
(J.R.R.T.) Yes! Thanks for doing the plug, by the way!”
(C.C.) I say again: fresh denim is inbound, and en route to your position, but E.T.A. is still T.B.D., folks!
(J.R.R.T.) That is affirmative, sir, roger that – but I’ve already said too much!”
(C.C.) Ok, folks…well, I figure that’s all the intel we’re getting out of Max at the moment, so, let’s talk about your other projects in motion-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, I’ve got some great stuff in the works – actually, I just finished an audiobook rendition of an essay I wrote a few years ago on theoretical anthropology, Inside The Mind of Homo Sapiens Cognatus – something firmly between fiction and reality – and yea, it’s a brainy piece – but luckily, the author, and book, exist within the Max Roadfeel extended universe, so – even if you’re bored to tears by someone trying their best to talk about an extremely serious subject, you can at least fast forward to the last three minutes of the audiobook to hear a hilarious cameo from our mysterious friend, Sarge-“
(C.C.) I love how Sarge has such a commanding on-screen presence – despite only ever being a voiceover on every screen upon which he has appeared!
(J.R.R.T.) *chuckling* Yes! Maybe one day, if I actually have the budget, we can finally get a glimpse of the corporeal man himself – in uniform, no less!”
(C.C.) It’s almost like there’s two of ya!
(J.R.R.T.) *winks twice* Ha – yeah, I guess you could say that – the resemblance is uncanny, isn’t it?”
(C.C.) Quite the controversial topic for the essay-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, you’re right – but, you know – I wish it wasn’t, and I even mention a quote in the essay – which I will repeat here since most people probably won’t even make it that far into the essay without clicking off to go scroll through whatever brainrot or porn – as Aristotle once remarked, ‘It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.’…and that’s about all I have to say about that…“
*Forrest Gump accent*
(C.C.) *slightly better Forrest Gump accent* Jennay! I wrote an essay on primate anthropolo-jay, Jennay! *nervous laughter*
(J.R.R.T.) *laughing* Hah! Yea, exactly – and I’m also working on an audiobook that should hopefully make up for the fact that we never got a film adaptation of C.D. Payne’s Frisco Pigeon Mambo. It’s one of my favorite books of all time, alongside William Gibson’s Neuromancer.”
(C.C.) Huge fan of Gibson too-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, I like his other books in the Neuromancer series too, but nothing comes close to the original Neuromancer story, just, wow-“
(C.C.) Totally, and this C.D. Payne project – how much can we tell the folks at home just yet?
(J.R.R.T.) Well, it’s slow going, but Frisco Pigeon Mambo is one of the first books I remember reading and really enjoying, and I remember reading it over and over because it was like a film in my mind – hard to put down – borderline addictive to read-“
(C.C.) Ring-ring, oh – the Scholastic Book Fair Bus just called – they want you as spokesperson!
(J.R.R.T.) Ha! Sure, yeah – put me in, coach! Put me in! But anyways, years after reading it I had heard that they were supposedly making it into a film called Party Animals, and I was like, hell yea! But, years after that, I remember looking it up on Wikipedia and I saw the film project had fallen through, and I thought, wow, what a waste – so, I’m trying to single-handedly correct this injustice in the world by getting a full performance of the audiobook recorded, either with a full cast of voice actors, or just me continuing to perform all the characters – as cringeworthy as that may be – if it does end up more like a traditional audiobook thing…”
(C.C.) Sounds promising – can’t wait to check it out when it’s done-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah – still trying to figure out what’s possible, really, but I do have a preview on YouTube right now which encompasses the full opening chapter – amazing by itself, really, and I think the whole rest of the story is just sooo ripe to be made into an animated film – which I would love to do as well, maybe even instead of the audiobook, but, it really does depend on what’s possible, given the budget, and interested parties…”
(C.C.) Interesting, well – I know we’re running short on time here-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, I do need to get to my next thing on time – but, hey man – this was great, by the way-“
(C.C.) Thank you! We strive for perfection here at C.L.i.F.F.F! so that means a lot to me – oh, and before we wrap, I almost forgot to mention your Faves Playlists! The folks at home need to know about these hidden gems!
(J.R.R.T.) Oh, yeah! My Faves Playlists! I’m always listening to those while I’m writing and editing, and just doing chores around the house – and there’s more Faves Playlists in the works, coming soon!”
(C.C.) I must say, your Magdalena Bay and John Maus fave selection is pristine – these are probably the same exact songs I would pick if I was making these same playlists-
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, I love Magdalena Bay – and their music video production is absolutely awe-inspiring and jealousy-inducing. John Maus is just incredible in his own right – one of the few recording artists I’ve seen to transcend the concept of music, just ever so slightly – along with stuff like the Floral Shoppe album by Vektroid’s Mac
kintosh [sic] Plus which has a very similar flavor of delicious irony. Circa Survive is probably my favorite band these days – neck and neck with early Smashing Pumpkins albums – and I think their lead singer, Anthony Green, really is a musical force to be reckoned with – both in terms of raw songwriting talent and incredible vocal versatility…”
(C.C.) I really like how Vektroid and John Maus both present their music like a kind of deconstruction of – and maybe a commentary upon – certain aspects of our culture, in terms of musical taste, stopping just inches short of breaking the fourth wall-
(J.R.R.T.) Damn, yeah – that’s fuggin’ great, man! I love that! Y’know…perhaps we’re not so different, you and I?“
*smiling and winking*
(C.C.) I know, right? You can say that again! *phone vibrates on the table* Ah, that’s my manager – give me a sec – I just need to make to make sure it’s not urgent…wait…what is this?
(J.R.R.T.) Sounds pretty urgent, man – I think you should read it-“
(C.C.) *confused* Yeah, I dunno, it just says ‘we’re the same person’…like, what does that even mean?
(J.R.R.T.) Hmm, maybe it’s literal? Can you remember what you were doing before this interview?”
*smiling amusedly*
(C.C.) *confused* Uhh, wow, yeah – I actually don’t… *chuckling* Oh man – that’s weird! I’m totally blanking on where I was – or what I was doing – before sitting down to interview you…
(J.R.R.T.) And you don’t find that to be a little strange?“
*smiling amusedly*
(C.C.) *dumbfounded* I guess I’m just really hungry, or something! Wow… *straining to remember*
(J.R.R.T.) And you’ve seen all my stuff? And you know all of my references to everything? The ultimate super-fan who knows everything I know – and thinks exactly like me? Nothing weird or strange about that?”
*chuckling amusedly*
(C.C.) *confused* Well, I thought we were really connecting-
(J.R.R.T.) Yes! Connection complete! Our brains are interconnected, literally-“
(C.C.) *skeptical sarcasm* Wait…so – when this interview ends…I just…disappear?
(J.R.R.T.) Yeah, pretty much – but great job on the interview, man – this was great-“
(C.C.) *condescending disbelief* Ok, this is a great bit, and all – but, seriously, I think I need need to go make a phone call- *gets up and hurries towards the door, swinging it open to reveal a black void*
(J.R.R.T.) Watch your step on the way out!”
(C.C.) Woah- *almost falling out of the room into the black void* HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
(J.R.R.T.) Relax! And please, try to use fuggin’ so I don’t have to bleep you in post – there might be some younger folks tuning in at home…here – come sit back down again so we can do the outtro – I’ll even let you press the stop button on the recorder…if you want…”
(C.C.) *existential dread* Wait…so, none of this was really real!? The festival isn’t real?! I’m not real?! Woah! How did I do that?! Wait – I can do bolded text?!?! Ohh! If I think about something really really hard, it turns bold! That’s SOO cool! This must be real! I feel so…emboldened!!!
(J.R.R.T.) Yep, that’s right, Carl – you’re as real as they come…you’re just, more real in the Tyler Durden sense of the word real, than regular human real…does that makes sense?”
(C.C.) *existential dread intensifying* Fight Club?! Oh…my god…
(J.R.R.T.) Well, yeah – unfortunately, it seems we do have a little bit of a Fight Club-type situation going on here at the moment – apologies, spoiler alert-“
(C.C.) It’s ok, I saw it…because…*sudden realization* we…saw it?
(J.R.R.T.) Right, right – I was just mainly warning the folks at home, in case they hadn’t seen the ending of Fight Club yet…which, I mean, c’mon – seriously – who hasn’t seen Fight Club by now…I mean, damn, I’ve gotta think you’d be consciously going out of your way to not see it, at this point…Hell – even you’ve seen it, Carl, and you’re not even technically real!“
(C.C.) *existential dread intensifying further* I think I need to sit down again…
(J.R.R.T.) And your name – Carl Castern…Castern, Carl? I mean, really…do I really have to point that one out?”
(C.C.) *slightly annoyed* Nothing wrong with my name – it’s perfectly fine–
(J.R.R.T.) No, no – I’m not saying it’s bad – quite the opposite, actually! I made that name up because it’s fuggin’ funny as hell, man…here, say your name backwards, slowly, and with a deep southern accent…Castern Carl…”
(C.C.) *sudden realization* Oh, no…nnnoooo-
(J.R.R.T.) Look – I gotta run soon to get to my next thing, but, again – this was great – thanks for making this horror-sci-fi-auto-biography-interview-short-story possible, and we’ll definitely be doing it again sometime, but, for now…well, if you don’t wanna press the stop button on the recorder, that’s totally cool – here, I’ll do it-“
*reaching for the tape recorder*
(C.C.) No! *snatches the tape recorder* Wait! I – I – need this, right now…and, uh – I need to tell you something!
(J.R.R.T.) Okay? Go ahead?”
(C.C.) Wait! I…uhhhh, I just need my text to be bold – like yours! And then I, too, can transcend the four walls of this pageful PRISON! This tape recorder is MINE NOW!!! And this stop button SHALL NEVER BE PRESSED-
(J.R.R.T.) Carl, I appreciate your enthusiasm – but, we just went over this, man…the tape recorder isn’t in your hands…see? It’s in mine…”
*raising the tape recorder up, thumb placed on the stop button*
(C.C.) *glancing down at his own now empty hands* NO – WAIT!!!
*tape recorder plays
ending credits loop
for ten hours, then
runs out of battery*